India Times Teaching Parents How to Be Good Sports With Their Kids

India Times — In a recent sports survey conducted among children from ages 8 to 14 who participate in team sports, one-third of the kids said they wished their parents weren’t watching their games because adults “yell too much, and are too distracting. They make players nervous and put pressure on them to play better and win.” Yes, we know it pricks too much when you hear this. But give it some thought at least. Most parents are either extremely overbearing and pushy or utterly indifferent to their child’s growth in sports. But there is surely a midway between the two. The key is hidden in two simple words: support and encouragement.  To find the right balance, you can watch your kids play or maybe even guide them.  Moreover, while supporting your kids in team sports, you can help them learn about teamwork, sportsmanship and a lot other things and what better way to teach than by example? Winning isn’t everything. Do not force participation. Take active involvement. Bond over sports. Praise your child’s efforts. Sports as a way of life. 

God, if any article personifies the generation growing up right now, it’s this. Let’s just cut the shit here and breakdown Shikha Desai’ painnnful article.

Winning isn’t everything

Hey Shikha, I can’t even tell what gender you are from your name, but have you ever played a sport in your life?? Have you ever reminisced with your buddies and bragged to colleagues about that one time when you got your dick/vagina smashed in during the State Championship and took 2nd place? Answer: absolutely not.  Nobody gives a FUCK about the runner-up, so if there’s one thing that needs to be clear from day 1, it’s that you don’t lose.

Do not force participation

Shikha, do you wanna know what happens if you don’t force your son to play sports? They end up joining the glee club, playing with dolls, and next thing you know they’re going to prom with another dude.  You are outside of your mind if you don’t think I’m forcing my son to be an 18 sport athlete.  Don’t even care if 3 is the max.

Take active involvement 

This one kind of goes without saying, except I’m not gonna be a god damn soccer mom in a minivan wishing all the kids good luck, have fun, enjoy the orange slices.  No fucking way.  There are two things that can happen to the coach’s son, A: they can be the clownshoe you hide in right field because he doesn’t possess an ounce of athleticism, or B: they can be first team All-State and get a full ride to ‘Bama by the time they’re done tee-ball. Choose wisely.

Bond over sports

Chicks dig the long ball.  Chicks also dig douchebag athletes.  Do the math.

Praise your child’s efforts

Ummmm nope…praise your child’s SUCCESSES.  What’s that Junior, you botched the routine groundball to lose the state championship?…that’s cool, I’m just gonna be smoking grounders at your dick until it never happens again.

Sports as a way of life

Son, take a look around my office…do you see any pencil pushing nerds with corner offices?  Nope…douchy athletes turn into douchy bosses, just the way it works in life.  Case closed.

 

PS. Since WHEN does India have a newspaper?? Choo choo, the Third World train is coming into the station! All you First World motherfuckers better look out!

Incredibly Confusing Olympic Sport of the Day

 

Not even exaggerating when I say steeplechase might be top 5 most confusing olympic sports out there.  But that’s besides the point since half the sports make A. no fucking sense and B. require little to no talent.  What confuses me about steeplechase is why the fuck would anyone everrrrrr wanna run 3000 meters with wet shoes???  I’m dead serious, if I’m walking down the street and I step in a puddle, I’m near suicidal all day just because of a little wet sock/shoe action.  And that’s just walking literally from Chipotle to my office.  So excuse me for being a bit of a drama queen if running nine THOUSAND feet with wet shoes while completely winded while competing against 3 Kenyans sounds a little bit miserable.  No thanks, I’ll watch in HD with a 6 hour delay from my living room.

Fuck This Skateboarding Goat And His Guinness World Record

Huff Po — A Nigerian dwarf cross goat named “Happie” has reason to be just that after earning a Guinness World Record for … skateboarding??? Back in March, Happie established a new record category, “Farthest Distance Skateboarding by a Goat,” when she rode a board 118 feet in his home town of Fort Myers, Fla. The record-breaking ride took only 25 seconds, according to the New York Daily News. Happie’s owner, Melody Cooke, 18, recognized greatness in her goat from a young age. “She figured out how to get on and then I was just like, ‘Whoa, this is amazing,'” Cooke told KSN-TV. “My goat can skateboard, let me see how far I can go with this.”

http://www.ksn.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=3690726

Ohhhhhhh my god you have no idea how badly I wanna “accidentally” hit Happie the Goat with a car.  Nothing worse than people trying to dupe the idiots over at Guinness convincing them that they possess some sort of talent.  Hey Happie you wanna know what that performance was?  That was called inertia…you know objects in motion tend to stay in motion blah blah all that shit?  Yeah that’s all you did…you didn’t fucking kick to get more speed, you didn’t do any ollies, and you ran into a fucking parking barrier like a chump.  Color me sooooooo not impressed Happie.  Call me back when you’re grinding rails and doing McTwists you fuckin clownshoe.

Bro Arrested for Running Pot Factory/Daycare Hybrid

 

This police officer’s career may have gone up in smoke.  Jamie Fanton, 29, is accused of growing marijuana and running an unlicensed daycare at his home in Clarendon, N.Y.  Police were responding to an illegal dumping complaint when they found discarded garbage bags containing marijuana and evidence of an indoor grow operation. Believing that the bags came from the home of Fanton and 25-year-old Jasmine Almeter, officers obtained a warrant to search the residence.

 

I seriously will never understand what everyone’s beef is with smoking weed.  I’m not even a huge smoker and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.  Which is why I have a huge problem with the cops and their sting operation on Jamie Fanton’s pot factory/daycare hybrid living space.  Would someone pllllease enlighten me as to what is the worst that can happen here?  How bout this would be the calmest fucking daycare you’d ever seen.  The 4-year olds are crying and being rowdy? Boom, bong rip to the face…mellow as a motherfucker.  Little Stevie won’t eat his peas and carrots? Sike, smoke a blunt with him and he’ll be craving those veggies in an hour.  So excuse me if I don’t exactly see the problem with a bunch of little tikes high as kites crushing hours of Blue’s Clues…Jamie’s got pot to grow, you cats sit tight and finish your Doritos.  

Drunk Bro Drives Through Sobriety Checkpoint While Slugging a Beer

HuffPo — Drinking and driving is against the law, but driving through a security checkpoint with a beer in your hand is just plain stupid. That’s what David Caruso, 51, of Vernon, Conn., is accused of doing on July 23. Police say Caruso — no relation to the CSI: Miami star — approached a checkpoint and officers immediately noticed that he was drinking a beer while operating the vehicle, according to Vernon.Patch.com.

 

Just no bigger display of having brass balls than right here.  David Caruso was probably weighing his options in his arm chair rocking a mean 4-beer buzz like Hmmmm should I drink and drive on my suspended license and run the risk of going to jail and/or facing hefty fines? Ahhh fuck it, I’m starving, where’s the closest Mickey D’s in this fucking town??? Next thing you know, he’s slugging roadies and the coppers are hosting a breathalyzer party on the highway.  Buzzkill City, population David Caruso.  So I really don’t blame him for crushing a few more brews to take the edge off.  Talking to cops sucks enough as it is. If anything you become more of a smooth talker and get away with it after a few more drinks.  Well except for the breathalyzer never fails part.  The only thing worse than driving under the influence, is driving under-intoxicated, so excuse me as I one-man shotgun a Natty right in your grill, officer.