A serial spitter is on the loose in Brooklyn — hocking loogies on unsuspecting passersby young and old, disgusted residents say.
“About 20 minutes ago, a young man wearing all black randomly decided to scream ‘F— you,’ and spit in my face,” the woman wrote.
Another resident said she was unlocking her bike at a rack on Lincoln Road when a tall and slender man in his mid-20s walked up. Without warning, the man spit in the face of her 3-year-old son, who was sitting in the bike seat.
“It was terrible-and scary because the guy was so close to my son (and really could have done much worse),” according to the mother. “But thankfully it all did not phase (sic) my son.”
One victim wrote that he actually exchanged words with the spitter before being showered in saliva.
Maybe it’s because I’m writing this from the safe confines of Midtown Manhattan, but this is the funniest god damn thing I have ever read in my life. Especially considering that the spitter is being described as a well-dressed, slender guy in his mid-20’s i.e. this is probably some normal looking white hipster doofus who has Brooklyn SHOOK right now. Because make no mistake about it…hocking a wad of your snot directly into someone’s face is bar-none the most disrespectful thing you can do to them. Young or old, black or white, this guy doesn’t give a FUCK who you are, because he is still gonna launch some phlegm in your direction.
Having said that, here I am laughing with the East River safely separating me from this menace to society…but if he makes his way over the Brooklyn Bridge and into my Manhattan safe-space, I can assure you I will not rest until he is caught and behind bars. Loogies are always funny when they’re yours. But when some stranger is asking you for directions one second, and the next he’s firing mucus into your retina, that’s when it becomes significantly less funny.