Kentucky man holds farm animals ransom and demands sex with the farmer for their return

  
Huffington Post
A Kentucky man is facing charges after authorities say he stole another man’s farm animals and then offered to return them on the condition that he’d have sex with him.

Rodney Brown, 25, was arrested Monday on charges of promoting prostitution, theft by unlawful taking, and third-degree terroristic threatening, authorities said.

That follows the Monticello man allegedly stealing 25 roosters, a goat, rooster pens and other tools, WKYT reported citing a Dec. 21 arrest report.

Rodney motherfucking Brown. Forget the fact that the farmer he was sexually harassing was a dude. Fine, to each his own. What I can’t help but respect is the strategy. F- execution, but an A+ strategy. Like does this work in scenarios outside of Kentucky farm animal ransom? Can I pull a maneuver like this at the bar this weekend? Just steal some chick’s $750 Canada Goose jacket and when she demands you give it back you say “I will not return your jacket until you come home with me and we have sex”?? Seems like an airtight plan to me. 

My only issue here is that Hot Rod got cocky. One, maybe two roosters in exchange for some butt stuff? Fine. But 25 roosters and a goat? Now we’re just getting disrespectful to be honest. I don’t think Rodney knows those things are still bigtime gambling chips in third world countries. You can’t steal a farmer’s most prized billy goat and be surprised when he doesn’t just succumb to your demands, and instead you’re getting booked for third-degree terroristic threatening. Like I said, A+ strategy, but just piss-poor execution. You’re better than that Hot Rod. 

Turkish factory made sinking life jackets and planned to sell them to refugees


New York Daily News

A cruel Turkish factory sold faulty life jackets to migrants, making the “life-saving” vests out of a heavy material that sinks — not saves — the wearer.

Turkish police raided a workshop in the Aegean coastal city of Izmir Wednesday, a day two separate boating accidents killed dozens of migrants desperately trying to reach Greece.

Look. This is a tough one. On the one hand, you have innocent women and children trying to escape an extremely oppressive situation where the end result is absolutely worth the dangerous leap of faith. And systemically killing people off is ALWAYS an iffy subject. For real. That’s how you end up in baaaaad company getting filed away in the same folder as that German guy with the mustache. Real, real tough to see beyond the cons there.

BUT. Big but. If you are looking at this STRICTLY from a homeland security/vetting the refugees standpoint…is this not an A+ litmus test to see if a refugee is worthy of admission into your country? Look, if you wanna cry about how bad things are in your country and you wanna just waltz into mine, you better be prepared to pass the old placebo life jacket trick. If you can’t swim across the 250 mile wide Aegean Sea through choppy waters with the equivalent of a 40 pound Gold’s Gym weighted vest around your neck, then quite frankly you’re probably not cut out for life in the States. We have a LOT more trying things to worry about over here on a daily basis i.e. spotty wifi while running AppleTV and your iPad or not getting 100 likes on a fire Instagram post.

So excuse me for not exactly losing sleep over people sinking to the bottom of the ocean and being frustrated when their $15 life jacket from a sketchy Turkish factory doesn’t float. Not my problem.

 

P.S. wouldn’t even bat an eyelash if it came out that these life jackets had “Donald J. Trump Collection” on the tag…don’t want immigrants? make immigration literally impossible. Sinking life jackets and 40 foot walls, that’s the Trump way #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

India Times Teaching Parents How to Be Good Sports With Their Kids

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India Times — In a recent sports survey conducted among children from ages 8 to 14 who participate in team sports, one-third of the kids said they wished their parents weren’t watching their games because adults “yell too much, and are too distracting. They make players nervous and put pressure on them to play better and win.” Yes, we know it pricks too much when you hear this. But give it some thought at least. Most parents are either extremely overbearing and pushy or utterly indifferent to their child’s growth in sports. But there is surely a midway between the two. The key is hidden in two simple words: support and encouragement.  To find the right balance, you can watch your kids play or maybe even guide them.  Moreover, while supporting your kids in team sports, you can help them learn about teamwork, sportsmanship and a lot other things and what better way to teach than by example? Winning isn’t everything. Do not force participation. Take active involvement. Bond over sports. Praise your child’s efforts. Sports as a way of life. 

God, if any article personifies the generation growing up right now, it’s this. Let’s just cut the shit here and breakdown Shikha Desai’ painnnful article.

Winning isn’t everything

Hey Shikha, I can’t even tell what gender you are from your name, but have you ever played a sport in your life?? Have you ever reminisced with your buddies and bragged to colleagues about that one time when you got your dick/vagina smashed in during the State Championship and took 2nd place? Answer: absolutely not.  Nobody gives a FUCK about the runner-up, so if there’s one thing that needs to be clear from day 1, it’s that you don’t lose.

Do not force participation

Shikha, do you wanna know what happens if you don’t force your son to play sports? They end up joining the glee club, playing with dolls, and next thing you know they’re going to prom with another dude.  You are outside of your mind if you don’t think I’m forcing my son to be an 18 sport athlete.  Don’t even care if 3 is the max.

Take active involvement 

This one kind of goes without saying, except I’m not gonna be a god damn soccer mom in a minivan wishing all the kids good luck, have fun, enjoy the orange slices.  No fucking way.  There are two things that can happen to the coach’s son, A: they can be the clownshoe you hide in right field because he doesn’t possess an ounce of athleticism, or B: they can be first team All-State and get a full ride to ‘Bama by the time they’re done tee-ball. Choose wisely.

Bond over sports

Chicks dig the long ball.  Chicks also dig douchebag athletes.  Do the math.

Praise your child’s efforts

Ummmm nope…praise your child’s SUCCESSES.  What’s that Junior, you botched the routine groundball to lose the state championship?…that’s cool, I’m just gonna be smoking grounders at your dick until it never happens again.

Sports as a way of life

Son, take a look around my office…do you see any pencil pushing nerds with corner offices?  Nope…douchy athletes turn into douchy bosses, just the way it works in life.  Case closed.

 

PS. Since WHEN does India have a newspaper?? Choo choo, the Third World train is coming into the station! All you First World motherfuckers better look out!

Incredibly Confusing Olympic Sport of the Day

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Not even exaggerating when I say steeplechase might be top 5 most confusing olympic sports out there.  But that’s besides the point since half the sports make A. no fucking sense and B. require little to no talent.  What confuses me about steeplechase is why the fuck would anyone everrrrrr wanna run 3000 meters with wet shoes???  I’m dead serious, if I’m walking down the street and I step in a puddle, I’m near suicidal all day just because of a little wet sock/shoe action.  And that’s just walking literally from Chipotle to my office.  So excuse me for being a bit of a drama queen if running nine THOUSAND feet with wet shoes while completely winded while competing against 3 Kenyans sounds a little bit miserable.  No thanks, I’ll watch in HD with a 6 hour delay from my living room.

Fuck This Skateboarding Goat And His Guinness World Record

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Huff Po — A Nigerian dwarf cross goat named “Happie” has reason to be just that after earning a Guinness World Record for … skateboarding??? Back in March, Happie established a new record category, “Farthest Distance Skateboarding by a Goat,” when she rode a board 118 feet in his home town of Fort Myers, Fla. The record-breaking ride took only 25 seconds, according to the New York Daily News. Happie’s owner, Melody Cooke, 18, recognized greatness in her goat from a young age. “She figured out how to get on and then I was just like, ‘Whoa, this is amazing,'” Cooke told KSN-TV. “My goat can skateboard, let me see how far I can go with this.”

http://www.ksn.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=3690726

Ohhhhhhh my god you have no idea how badly I wanna “accidentally” hit Happie the Goat with a car.  Nothing worse than people trying to dupe the idiots over at Guinness convincing them that they possess some sort of talent.  Hey Happie you wanna know what that performance was?  That was called inertia…you know objects in motion tend to stay in motion blah blah all that shit?  Yeah that’s all you did…you didn’t fucking kick to get more speed, you didn’t do any ollies, and you ran into a fucking parking barrier like a chump.  Color me sooooooo not impressed Happie.  Call me back when you’re grinding rails and doing McTwists you fuckin clownshoe.

Bro Arrested for Running Pot Factory/Daycare Hybrid

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This police officer’s career may have gone up in smoke.  Jamie Fanton, 29, is accused of growing marijuana and running an unlicensed daycare at his home in Clarendon, N.Y.  Police were responding to an illegal dumping complaint when they found discarded garbage bags containing marijuana and evidence of an indoor grow operation. Believing that the bags came from the home of Fanton and 25-year-old Jasmine Almeter, officers obtained a warrant to search the residence.

 

I seriously will never understand what everyone’s beef is with smoking weed.  I’m not even a huge smoker and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.  Which is why I have a huge problem with the cops and their sting operation on Jamie Fanton’s pot factory/daycare hybrid living space.  Would someone pllllease enlighten me as to what is the worst that can happen here?  How bout this would be the calmest fucking daycare you’d ever seen.  The 4-year olds are crying and being rowdy? Boom, bong rip to the face…mellow as a motherfucker.  Little Stevie won’t eat his peas and carrots? Sike, smoke a blunt with him and he’ll be craving those veggies in an hour.  So excuse me if I don’t exactly see the problem with a bunch of little tikes high as kites crushing hours of Blue’s Clues…Jamie’s got pot to grow, you cats sit tight and finish your Doritos.  

Drunk Bro Drives Through Sobriety Checkpoint While Slugging a Beer

HuffPo — Drinking and driving is against the law, but driving through a security checkpoint with a beer in your hand is just plain stupid. That’s what David Caruso, 51, of Vernon, Conn., is accused of doing on July 23. Police say Caruso — no relation to the CSI: Miami star — approached a checkpoint and officers immediately noticed that he was drinking a beer while operating the vehicle, according to Vernon.Patch.com.

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Just no bigger display of having brass balls than right here.  David Caruso was probably weighing his options in his arm chair rocking a mean 4-beer buzz like Hmmmm should I drink and drive on my suspended license and run the risk of going to jail and/or facing hefty fines? Ahhh fuck it, I’m starving, where’s the closest Mickey D’s in this fucking town??? Next thing you know, he’s slugging roadies and the coppers are hosting a breathalyzer party on the highway.  Buzzkill City, population David Caruso.  So I really don’t blame him for crushing a few more brews to take the edge off.  Talking to cops sucks enough as it is. If anything you become more of a smooth talker and get away with it after a few more drinks.  Well except for the breathalyzer never fails part.  The only thing worse than driving under the influence, is driving under-intoxicated, so excuse me as I one-man shotgun a Natty right in your grill, officer.